Now come on, we've all seen those commercials with the parent on a couch sleeping and they say "you don't have to be perfect to be the perfect parent" see some of this series below.
How many of us are really satisfied with this though? The idea of not being the perfect parent does not seem illusive because Jenny's mom makes scrapbooks, Olivia's mom decorates cakes, and Anessa's mom bakes every meal from scratch. Tyler's mom packs his lunch and Evan's mom checks all his homework EVERY night and he's 16. I'm sitting over here like I put food in the fridge, and sorted it into food groups certainly you can pack your own lunch. And oh, you don't have homework tonight? OK clean out the cat litter, empty the dishwasher, and help fold towels. Maybe I'm a bad mom. I don't have pictures of crazy hair day, I haven't packed a lunch since my kid was 9, is icing and sprinkles enough decoration for your cake? I made dinner tonight, I put chicken wings in the oven, threw some baby carrots on the plate, and set out the apple sauce and cottage cheese. I'm sure you got enough carbs between your frozen waffles for breakfast and the Ritz crackers you packed in that lunch.
How do we determine our parenting is good parenting? What can we do to create balance?
The thing is, my first born was in daycare from 3 mos. - 5 years old. I either went to school or worked full-time. I would pickup my daughter every day around 5 - 5:30. I would come home, make her something to eat, play, give her a bath, read a story, and put her to bed. By 9:30 PM I could manage to wash some dishes, throw in a load of laundry, watch a TV show and sneak into bed around 11, 11:30, maybe midnight just to start the day again at 5:30 AM. I was an awful mom. That's what I thought. I never had any time. I've written about this in the past, about my full plate. The summer before she started Kindergarten I was laid off from my job. Finally some time to spend at home with her, time to be a better mom. The summer, was well, summer. Once she started 1/2 day Kindergarten I was able to make her lunch, and wash more dishes before 9:30 PM. ??? Play with her in the afternoon so that we were both bored with each other and watch more TV in the evening?
Yep. Sounds like my moming improved.
I could go on and on and cycle through the series of events that I went through with the next child but the truth is, I always thought someone else was a better mom but KNEW I was a WAY better mom than THAT mom. Whether it was the days I was staying at home or the days I was going to work and even the days I was working from home I found that balance was the key to keeping it all together.
1) Make mornings easier. Pack lunches, lay out clothes, pack back packs, diaper bags, and sign papers the night before. When the kids are not old enough to do the packing themselves feel comfortable splitting these tasks between parents.
2) Keep a calendar. Look at the calendar the night before but also a few days out and make a list of have tos. Do you need to stop at the store for something, is there practice, do you need to leave work early? Once again, allow yourself to split chores between parents and realize that the split may not be 50/50 depending on the flexibility of work schedules.
3) Get a routine. Don't be so stuck to a routine that you cannot be flexible but have a general dinner time, homework time, bath time, bed time. Have a night time ritual. Mom reads a story on the couch and dad tucks kiddos in.
4) Meal plan/prep. Just as important to plan ahead for mornings, plan ahead for the evening. Pre-planning or prepping meals tailored to that calendar will save so many headaches. On Sundays I used to (still should) prepare at least 2 meals for the week whether that was cutting vegetables or pre-cooking some chicken to later be used in a salad or chili. Don't fool yourself into thinking going out to eat or running through the drive thru is faster. Ordering and waiting on food is not faster. A drive thru just means you all will be spending more time on the toilet. Looking at the plans for the week is important when planning meals. If Tuesday is Scouts, then Tuesday may be club sandwiches or a pizza night. And that's fine!
5) Limit distractions. Put down the phone and turn off the TV. OK, this has gone in waves in our house and you have to have all the adults on board and there are always distractions, but limit them.
6) Plan a family activity. We used to pick one day a week to play a game after dinner. Everyone was tethered to the table playing Clue, Boggle, Cranium Cadoo, etc. Then on the weekend go outside and play ball or walk to the park. It doesn't have to be as regular as the routine bedtime story but choose a day and do it.
7) Spend time with your spouse. In that routine carve out time for your spouse. If you spend time together then the guilt of splitting tasks, even when they're uneven is OK because you are connecting as partners.
8) Drop the guilt. Your job may be allowing for a class your kiddo wants to do, may be paying off the student loans you racked up to do that job before you had kids. After you drop the guilt give yourself some time. Spend a few days a week working out. You don't have to go to the gym, you can workout at home. But do go out--Get dinner with a friend, get your hair cut, or visit someone you don't see often.
9) Volunteer occasionally. By volunteering you will feel good about contributing to your child's ball team or school but by doing it occasionally you won't be overwhelmed by jobs on top of your job AND put the volunteer work on the calendar. Be OK with the volunteering to be volunteering to make cookies for the bake sale.
10) Drop the extra jobs. Leave the mowing the lawn jobs for the 14 year old looking to make cash. I know you have been mowing Mo's lawn since high school and she thinks you're still a youngster but you don't need that job any more. Visit Mo with your kiddo and don't give yourself another task.
Keep busy and make the most of your time while finding time to relax. This mom sums up the day in 3 minutes and it's the truth. You cannot expect to be perfect when there is so much to remember but you don't have to be perfect to be the perfect parent.
